Wednesday, October 10, 2012

On the Clock

3 days, 6 hours, and 34 minutes...

That's how long it's been since I've had a cigarette.

Yesterday, and all of this morning, it was pretty much all I could think about. My coworker came into the office after smoking, and it smelled so good. But I resisted. This afternoon, I don't feel irritable and the craving isn't as strong. Mostly I just feel tired and glad that it's almost time to go home.

One of the hardest parts about this is that I don't *want* to quit smoking. I *like* smoking. Purely for health reasons, I've wanted to quit for the last two years, but I just didn't have the balls to do it. I'd dance around it, make plans, etc., but I never made a serious effort. After the health scare I had this past week, it has to be done.

Every time I have a bad craving, I remind myself how afraid I was when I was driving to the doctor on Monday, thinking that I had two blood clots in my arm. How I thought for sure he was going to hospitalize me, and I was going to have to have an IV - which is pretty much the scariest idea in the world to me. Remembering that fear has gotten me through the worst of the cravings, and I hope it will continue to do so.

As much as I enjoy smoking, and I don't want to quit, I'm ready. I want to call myself a former smoker. I want to get to the 1 week mark...the 1 month mark...the 1 year mark.

3 days, 6 hours, and 47 minutes...

1 comment:

RoseAnn said...

I know you can do this and I feel bad that I quit asking you every day during the last "quitting". I don't want to be a pest but I want you to be healthy and I want to think of you smelling nice in case we ever actually meet. LOL