I love journals. Pretty, fun, funky, pristine books, just waiting to be filled with my (admittedly atrocious) handwriting. My most intimate thoughts. I inevitably write for a few days, then stop, then write in fits for a few days here and there, and then the journal ends up in a drawer or box somewhere in my house. Rinse and repeat.
This blog began as a new kind of journal for me. I thought I might write more if I could type instead of writing. I thought it might encourage me to say the things I wanted to say, if I could publish them (relatively) anonymously. Then the blog evolved, and it's no longer anonymous. Not that I have any great following; in fact, I'm only sure of one person who reads regularly. But that's not the point.
There are things I'd like to write about, things that are dark and painful. I'd like to release some of that ugliness from my heart and mind, even if that means putting it back out into the universe. But, even for a ridiculously open person like me, it's too personal to write on an open blog. It might be too personal to write on a blog at all. I haven't decided yet.
I'm thinking about taking this blog private. In some ways, I like the idea. I can write what I want, and control who has access to it. But part of the reason I want to write about some of the ugly things I've experienced is the hope that I can help someone. If the blog is private, no random person will ever be able to read it. So, then, what's the point? And, if I'm writing it just for me, why allow anyone to read it? Why not just keep a hand-written journal and release these experiences there?
Sigh...what do you think? How much is too much for a public blog?