Thursday, July 26, 2012

Thoughts on Quitting

I started smoking when I was 15. I quit for a year when I was about 25, then (stupidly) picked up the habit again. Now I'm 36, and I'm quitting.

Or, at least, I'm trying to.

I downloaded an app for my phone that keeps track of how long it's been since you've had a cigarette.

It's been 7 hours and 23 minutes.

The only thing keeping me from smoking right now is that I desperately don't want to have to reset the app.


Thursday, July 12, 2012

Friends, Regardless

I've been having really vivid, really bad dreams lately. Dreams where J. tells me that he doesn't love me, that he never loved me. Dreams that are even worse than that. When I drag myself out of bed after one of these nightmares, I follow my usual routine: coffee, cigarette, check the same sites I read every day. One of the first places I visit is the RAoK (that's Random Acts of Kindness, to those not in the know) forum on Amazon. I joined up with this group just after I got my Kindle for Christmas, and I cannot say enough about how wonderful it is!

It's nice to get presents for no reason, and being a regular at RAoK means that happens, but that's not why I keep going back. Just in the last seven months, I've found that this is a group of true friends. And it's not the first time this has happened to me. Back in 2002, I was participating in the Child-Free By Choice forum on iVillage. When R.J. and I got married, I joined the Happily Married forum, where I met some of the most amazing women! I'm pleased to say that some of these women have become real friends, and one of them I would count among my closest friends, even though we've never met in real life.

The internet is a fantastic thing, giving us the opportunity to make and keep in touch (in real time) with friends who live a state, a continent, even an ocean away. It doesn't matter that I've never seen these women in person, they are my friends. I hope that someday I get to Denver to meet R., to Dayton to meet D., to Philadelphia to meet H., to Ontario to meet L., and even to a tiny town in Norway to meet (the other) L. I'm sure that (if) when it happens, we'll be nervous, and then we'll pick up right where we left off in the virtual world.