Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Oh, boy...

My mom has tentatively proposed that J. and I move in with her when our lease is up in September, and we are considering it. I'm not sure, but I think I've lost my mind.

I've had a difficult relationship with my mom for (literally) my entire life. The root cause of our problems is that she suffers from depression and other undiagnosed mental disorders, for which she refuses to get help. It's hard to explain, but, in addition to the typical symptoms of depression, she just doesn't look at the world in a normal way. I can't even give a really good example, because to someone on the outside, one example doesn't seem like a big deal. But there's just something...off...about her, and it makes her very challenging to deal with at times.

As soon as I was in middle school, we started fighting, and it continued and escalated up until I left home at the beginning of my senior year of high school. She drove me so crazy; there were times I was really afraid that I would hit her, just to try to knock some sense (or normalcy) into her. Since then, I've sworn up and down that there's no way in hell I'd ever consider living with my mom again. I've said that I'll always make sure she's taken care of, but that we will never, ever live under the same roof.

Never say never, right?

So why am I even considering this? Well, that's complicated, too.

First, I know she's lonely, but that's her own fault. She's never fostered friendships, and now that my grandmother is gone, she has no one in her life other than me and a couple of former coworkers to whom she occasionally talks. She's not in good enough health to return to work, and I'm not really sure she could get a job, even if she tried. There's plenty she could do: volunteer, get involved with a church, etc., but she just won't do it. She won't put herself out there in the world. Still...she's lonely, and I know that having J. and I and our three cats in her house would bring a lot of joy to her life.

Then there's the money factor. Living with mom would allow us to pay off our debt, save money, and even buy a new (to us) car in a year or so. I can't ignore how enticing that idea is. To have extra money...be able to take a vacation...not have to worry about money so much while J. is in school...well, that sounds a little like heaven to me.

The house mom lives in - which was my grandparents', and which will be mine when mom is gone - is a 4-bedroom, 2-bath with two living areas. It's ridiculously big for one person to live in all alone. Moving in with mom could be good for her, and it could be good for us. But it could also be really, really bad.

Sigh...I'm going to have to do a lot more thinking about this.

1 comment:

RoseAnn said...

That sounds like a difficult decision with deceptively simple factors.

OTOH, woo hoo for saving money, paying down debt, etc.

But it sounds like you are right to tread carefully.

Could you do a trial run? Stay with her for a week to see how it goes. If you can't take it knowing you are going home soon, how would you handle the long-term?

How does J feel about all of this?

Ever since our failed experiment of having DSD live with us after high school, I would be very cautious about having anyone live with us again, except for the most dire of circumstances.